I almost tweeted this…

America is in a horrifying state right now, with people dying and hurting and fighting, and I am over here crying about my own problems. Giving myself this post to acknowledge it so I can then move on to the stuff that matters most.

I’m sad. SO SAD. Heartbroken over a person I think I have to let go to protect my wellbeing. This person is incredible. Empathetic, generous, strong… so fucking funny. A partner most people die never having. I’m scared because I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I’m angry because mental illness stole away what could have been a happy ending. And I’m lost because my hopes & plans were centered around our life together. It’s been 7 months & these thoughts are still so loud, these feelings are still so big & I still want my partner back.

I thought losing the partner but keeping the friend would be easier but all I do is wish for more. I know they’ll be fine even though I know they may miss me here & there. I want that for them. I want that for me too.

It guts me to think about living my life without their light in it. This world keeps getting darker & I’m having trouble navigating. But I guess that’s what it’s all about. Finding my own way. It’s no one’s responsibility but my own. So here I go. My shaky legs will get stronger.

Don’t respond to my pity party. Let’s focus on what’s most important because my shit is trivial compared to the horrors so many around me face every day. This post drips of privilege but I would not have been as useful to what’s needed now if I didn’t get this out.

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